You're The One That I Want

Sometimes monster-large charitable organizations – the good-doing groups that benefit from 5K runs, black-tie balls and pledge drives - can honestly become kind of anonymous in your mind. 

You feel great about writing a check, donating an item for auction, or getting your sweat on with friends for 60 miles in 3 days for a great cause.

Absolutely.

But does it hit your heart? Maybe not that hard.

I think it’s often because we can’t clearly envision the process of those funds being used – or we don’t personally know people being helped by a particular organization.

Then something happens that causes that non-profit to become a very important element in your life. And you want to hug every living soul on their payroll.

That was me and the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. I knew they were doing good in the world in a general sense.

But I had certainly never opened their doors in Houston and walked in about something very important to me. Or someone.

Then a few years ago, the amazing people and resources at M.D. Anderson significantly extended the life of my wonderful aunt during her battle with terminal cancer.

I had the privilege of staying with Aunt Billie at M.D. Anderson one weekend during her treatment, and was so moved by the incredible care she received, and the facility around us. It planted in me a very grateful heart toward this exceptional organization.

There is no ‘quit’ in M.D. Anderson. They are so, so determined to save the people you love. Period.

Recently, Super Much Love had the opportunity be a sponsor of the 23^rd annual MD Anderson A Conversation With A Living Legend® luncheon and fundraiser in Dallas.

The event honored Tony Blair, former British Prime Minister, as this year’s Living Legend. Mr. Blair was interviewed during the luncheon by FOX News’ Greta Van Susteren. 

Mr. Blair is a believer in the life-saving work of MD Anderson, and was so gracious to both the organization and the United States in his comments.

To be frank, the former PM rocked the house. Witty, brilliant and full of political and human insight, he had the room of 1000 completely engaged and, often, laughing.

This fundraiser was Super Much Love’s first involvement with a non-profit, and, we hope, one of many more to come. 

We were tickled pink to be joined at our table by some long-time advocates of SML, as well as a number of the wonderful folks who work directly on the brand – from the fantastic designers at SWOON The Studio, to our legal counsel, Dyan House, and social media consultant, Hendrik de Vries of SplashMedia.

Right outside the event hall was a table displaying a number of gorgeous, inspiring items created by young patients at M.D. Anderson as part of the Children’s Art Project ™.

Seriously great stuff.

We found a sweet iPhone cover, and some ridiculously cool, over-sized floral magnets that had to come home with us. Each features fabulous artwork created by young patients at M.D. Anderson.

You can find these and many other goodies for a good cause at www.childrensart.org. Use discount code UCM10 for $5 off your purchase of $50 or more. Proceeds benefit programs that enhance the lives of pediatric patients and their families, both during and after treatment.

What better reason to shop early for a birthday, host or thank-you gift – or maybe nab new fun magnets for displaying your own babies’ artwork on the fridge?

Art and love are the great communicators and healers of our hearts, you know? 

If you haven't already, I encourage you to seek out and jump in with the cause that resonates with you. 

And know that whatever you do will make a difference. Because your heart is in it, love.

Love,

-Melinda

Illustration Credit: 'Umbrella' - Minimil/Vetta/Getty Images

Love To Love You, Baby

Lots of folks - both men and women - are raised to be people-pleasers.

I was. Same for my sweet mom, who really tried to ensure that my emotional spine was a better representation of ‘healthy’ than the one she had been given.

As a Pleaser, you’re focused on making things perfect for everyone – but yourself. You tend to experience big highs from good feedback, and over-react to negative remarks.

In your desire to become what everyone needs, you forget what YOU need. And you stop shopping for it.

Charge on that way for too long, and you can emotionally (and sometimes, physically) run dry. Which leads you to inwardly resent the very folks you’re loving on.

The objects of your excessive efforts can’t figure out why you ‘started out so nice,’ and yet are turning emotionally constipated and snippy by the day.

Part of my growing up and opening up in this world has been learning what to share with others, and what to enjoy for myself - sans guilt; sans the 'Pity-Me-I'm-Such-a-Giver Show.'

No one watches that show by choice.

Achieving balance in giving and receiving comprises daily strokes of little, conscious decisions…until listening to your gut - which never lies about what it takes to make you whole - becomes more instinctive.

I’ve learned that occasionally hitting extremes of thoughtfulness is lovely for you and the recipient of your affection. Giving should not, however, be the full-orientation of your sweet psyche. 

If you've ever perused 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman, you have an idea of the specific behaviors or ‘language’ that constitute ‘love’ in your eyes – actions by others that make your heart move a foot, rather than an inch, in their direction.

Your ‘language’ (one of the following: Words of Affirmation; Quality Time; Receiving Gifts; Acts of Service or Physical Touch) is also the mode in which you will most naturally show affection to others.

For me, it's Receiving Gifts. So I also like to give them. And in my people-pleasing tendency, it has admittedly gotten a little out of control in the past - particularly in romantic relationships.

Any of my old friends will nod wildly if you ask them about this, having observed relationship-after-present-stuffed-relationship.

Me: "He likes sweets? I'll bake something for him every week."

Me again: “He just got a new promotion? We should celebrate somewhere amazing, on me. Where’s my passport?”

Whoa. Overload.

How is a man supposed to respond to that?

So I’ve given up on my old friend, Overkill. And am working at allowing myself to do some balanced receiving.

Matchmaker, author and altogether straight-shooting gal Patty Stanger shared a formula for women re: gift giving in relationships that made instant good-sense to me:

Allow a man to give you two gifts for every one you give him.

Per Patty, this ratio allows your man the leadership/providing role in your relationship, which is where most men are comfortable.

2-to-1 also ensures you, the female, are actively engaged in being a blessing, without taking over in that category.

Whether it’s about dating, work-life, or relationships with friends and family, getting healthy about giving and receiving may feel strange on your skin for awhile. But the grown-up you will grow to like it.

And so will the folks around you.

Donna Summer belted ‘Love To Love You, Baby’ in the 70’s. Listen to it, and you’ll remember that anthem has ZERO doormat/martyr factor!

Ms. Summer got the mix just right. Sexy-strong-committed. She wasn’t baking 12 dozen cookies for her love when she wrote that, I get the feeling. But she was definitely cooking.

Whew!

Love,

-Melinda

Photo Credits:

Paper Heart: http://leloveimage.blogspot.ca

How To Love Someone: Clara Z/Flickr

Cry Love: Minimil/Vetta/Getty Images

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

One Man's Quandary; One Woman's Attempt at Being Oprah.

I have a good guy friend in his late 40's who has never been married. He's not the only one I know - certainly, lots of great guys at mid-life haven't yet darkened the doors of the local Harry Winston in preparation for a love declaration.

But this gent is one of my very favorites. 

Over the several-year course of our friendship, he and I have delved with some regularity into the "why" behind his self-professed fear of commitment. 

He's a tremendous guy - intelligent, witty, handsome, masculine, ambitious and successful in his work. He's a multi-lingual Renaissance man who (I can personally attest) dances AND drives with confidence and style.

He's straight and great and…scared to death that he'll stink at communicating with his Forever Love and that the Big Relationship will go south as a result.

He occasionally opens up about wanting something a little deeper relationally - a long-term commitment, a marriage. We discuss all of this via email. 

Tidy. Safe.

To me, the idea of a man with great success in all areas of his life with the exception of the one that requires all of him - I don't know - I just want to see him Go For It. 

This gentleman friend recently encouraged me to publish in my blog the following email I sent him, which was part of our latest dialogue on commitment. 

He consistently has great ideas and insights for my life, so I'm going to do as he says.

Sooo…following was my email to him:

"At a polo match yesterday, I had the interesting fortune to be seated next to a couple that has been married 54 years. Their son was the host of the charity event. The parents had flown in from Louisiana to bring Andouille sausage for the pre-party gumbo, and to solidly participate in his life. Kinda beautiful. 

What also struck me was that this couple, after three kids, many moves, the Air Force and lots of living, was still very much in love. Wow.

I caught the husband (still handsome and with mischievous eyes in his late 70's) WINK at his wife in that 'girl I dig you and you are fine' way.

And she was gorgeous and totally beamed when he did that. It was magical and I wish I could tattoo my own arm with that moment so that I don't forget that what I want sat next to me. 

Like you, I too, for many years, would never fully give myself to love. I would watch someone develop feelings for me with a combination of happiness and dread.

My ability to hang in past the initial dating euphoria stage was severely limited by my inability to believe that satisfying love was made for me. 

I can tell you now from a couple of experiences that whole-hearted love and honesty is definitely terrifying in the 'jumping off the diving board’ portion.

I was so prone to locking up, looking at the warm water below and muttering crap-crap-crap! with fear in my throat...but once you're in the air, it's an intoxication worth any price. 

Love actually rewards courage. It doesn't guarantee outcomes, but that's what makes it exciting and fresh and personal every time. 

I've been crushed and cut by broken love, but the scars are, once healed, something that actually straightens one's spine.

You'd think that heart-hurt would deplete you over the long term, but in actuality, loving shows you what you're made of.

Far beyond work or adventure of any kind, love offers the greatest highs, the deepest teachings, the peace of understanding who you are."

Love,

-Melinda

P.S. Want to be notified whenever Super Much Love posts a new blog entry? Just click here and 'like' our Facebook page. You'll get a little note on your FB feed when there's something new to check out - easy peasy! Thanks so much for reading SML! 

Photo Credits:

‘sorry NO’: ICHIRO/Digital Vision/Getty Images

‘Outstretched Hand and Cage’: Yasuhide Fumoto/Digital Vision/Getty Images

Lose The Wait

Being real with God is much like working out - you always feel better afterwards; you never regret the time spent.

The experience of running an inquisitive, wildly honest hand along that cord between you and God - well, it changes things. 

And when you postpone or shelve it - when you tell yourself you're too busy for good abs or a forgiving heart - you suffer. 

From lethargy. From stifled emotions. From the heaviness - physical and emotional - of your own being. 

Its obscenely simple: if we regularly invest in ourselves and in what is vibrantly good to and for us, we flourish. There is no other outcome for those actions. 

That's kind of reassuring. 

Soooo...turn off the TV. Your iPod. Your to-do list. 

If you're at work, close your computer. Take a deep breath. 

Take a 10-minute walk. Don't take anyone with you.

Talk to God. 

Leave behind any formal language. Just talk to him like you would an old friend - the kind that will take you to the ER at 2am without complaint. 

Talk about what hurts and stinks and makes you crazy - and what is working. 

Let down your guard. 

Be open to whatever happens next. It could be adventure; it could be stillness. 

It will be just what you need. 

He carries that 'what you need' with Him all day and just waits for you to ask. 

Isn't that weird, in a way? All the power in the universe, yet He wants to connect. With you. With me. 

He loves us free of all the garbage and complication that human love contains. You don't have to temper, modify or sugar up your words. You can let go.

Not a bad Guy. Not a bad Guy. 

He's safe. 

And thus, so are you. 

Go for a walk. 

Love,

-Melinda

Photo Credit: Tamao Funahashi. http://www.flickr.com/photos/tamjpn/201448749/

Artwork: Yoshitomo Nara

Juicy Le Fleur!

You’re surely familiar with the near-trite encouragement to “make lemonade from lemons” and other “turn your funky situation into something fabulous”-type positive thoughts.

For me personally, it goes like this: “Do we have a challenge? Let’s invent a solution and eat delicious things while we do it!” It’s my approach, at least.

This explains why I found myself in the kitchen not too long ago, munching granola and pondering the fate of my fading fresh-cut flowers.

Brunch at my place had been the week prior.

A bevvy of blooms now appeared poopy-droopy and in need of a facelift. Pronto.

I removed them from their tall vase on the dining table, cut the stems short so they could gobble fresh water, and popped them into my ceramic ‘lemon juicer’ pitcher. It was my first time to use the little lovely for a vase.

On it’s last kitchen adventure, the juicer had made lemon bars. Today, its job was to extend the life of my flowers by another week. : )

The charming gizmo came home with me about a year ago from one of my favorite stores in the universe– Anthropologie. They stock miracles there. In addition to the softest, flattering t-shirts, colorful dresses and AG Jeans for girls with hips, Anthro carries such fab-fun goods for your home.

I’m smitten.

When I discovered that they don’t currently stock my little blue juicer, I did some happy research online and found three oh-so-scrumptious juicers for your consideration…

Oooo-weee! I loved this project!

Following are cheery (hello, spring!) options from Amazon, eBay and Etsy…along with my humbly proffered ideas on flowers with which to gleefully stuff them!

Enjoy!

Amazon

Tell me – what can’t you find on sweet Amazon? I envision this blue and white toile porcelain juicer filled with red ranunculus - blooms so easy to find in the floral section of almost any grocery store right now. 

This toile darling is under $30, shipping included!

eBay

Fab vintage juicer, sooo stinkin’ cute and only $24.89! It positively begs for big pink peonies!

Pink and green – it’s preppy heaven…just casually arrange your pearls at the base of the pitcher and voila! A centerpiece fit for the show Mad Men.

Etsy

Gorgeous glazed juicer – punchy color!

Would look amazing with purple flowers. Like anemones! This model is only $19.97 and hand-made. 

Note: Photo is a tad blurry, but Seller is new to Etsy, so please cut her some slack – and buy her juicer! She sounds precious. There’s a smiley face in her product description and heart and soul in her work! Love! And 10% of proceeds go to her local food bank!

No time to stop for “juicer flowers” on the way home? Just toss in a love note to yourself (“Hello, Sexy!”), some favorite inspirational quotes…or leave a poem for your main squeeze (“You’re tart like lemons, sweet like pie, how I love you, my-oh-my!”).

Tasty!

Love,

Melinda

Photo Credits:

Blue & White Toile Pitcher: Amazon.com

Red Ranunculus: KevinSummersPhotography.com

‘Good Morning’ Juicer Pitcher: eBay.com

Pink Peony: ABloomInTime.net

Red Juicer Pitcher: Etsy.com

Purple Anemones: MagnoliaBox.com; Photographer: Assaf Frank

Boarding Passes, Please.

Some days, you just need someone to talk to. To hear you out. To offer counsel that sounds both brilliant and completely do-able.

I’m blessed with some precious friends like that. They possess that rare trifecta of heart, smarts and guts that makes them irreplaceable!

I had breakfast with one of them recently - a college friend who travels the globe as a VP for a Fortune 500 company. Married. Two children. Whip-smart.

She shared eggs and pancakes with me as I 'verbally processed' a situation.

I always feel a bit like I’ve had a visit with Condoleezza Rice after a talk with her. I leave with notes. She’s that good.

Our conversation eventually turned to business. She works in the travel industry, and commented that morning that “some of our customers are tourists – while others are travelers.”

Ohhhh…that struck me!

Look around: you're aware of the people in your life that will only dip their tippy-toes into experiences with you, and intentionally remain amateurs in terms of handling, helping, loving you…they are tourists.

I’m not saying these folks can’t be a blessing in some ways – you must simply manage your expectations.

Travelers in your life, however, are much more intentional. They are found asking questions, spending time - time after time - sinking their hooks into a richer experience for themselves and for memories with you. Actually knowing you more and more. 

It occurred to me that it’s easy to pass through this life – or at least a decade or more of it – with ‘tourist’ lightly written across own foreheads, too.

Somehow, we're not “all-in” in areas that we want to be.

From planning a party to real intimacy (emotional or otherwise!), as a ‘tourist,’ you merely get by. You do enough to avoid overly negative consequences, yet you’re very, very far from a medal.

You will get to the end of the race, as it were, but perhaps only because time ran out. Not because you ever saw the finish line.

As a tourist, you’re found ignoring the joy-filled, creative, adventurous side of yourself and just going through the motions.  

It’s easier in general to coast this way, but let’s be honest - we need a big kick in the butt, or we're going to miss our sweet lives.

How To Know When You’re In Tourist Mode:

There’s no spice, and precious few crazy-wonderful memories are being made. You’re just buying (and selling) souvenirs of a life half-lived with which to clutter your shelves when you’re old.

The ‘tourist vs. traveler’ conversation with my friend left me both encouraged and convicted.

It gave me the gift of a moment to step back and think afresh…about where I’m doing well (whew! ok!) and where I need to dig in and DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

We must stop waiting for 'something to happen' before making a change. WE are that something. We must happen. 

Look in the mirror today, smile and think 'traveler.' How does that translate in your life? 


It's the weekend - no better time to get to where you want to be. Wheels up, y'all!


Love,
-Melinda

Photo Credit: Nancy Falconi/Photographer's Choice RF/Getty Images

It's Not Easy Being Queasy.

Ever feel like you too often take a ‘pass’ when invited into circumstances that are unfamiliar and out of your normal scope? I sometimes do.

Sure, I’ll talk to most any stranger on an elevator. Trying a new restaurant is three shades of heaven in my book. And brainstorming gets me high.

But if you ask me, spur-of-the-moment style, to do something really unfamiliar – especially something I think I might not be good at – I'm prone to over-thinking the opportunity. Missing the boat and regretting it. Sigh. Gross.

In the last year, I've made it a goal to take on new experiences with a more open heart, and worry less about the 'grade' I might receive.

I've hosted monthly brunches at my house. 

I've acquired an appreciation for very good whiskey. 

I've regularly attended concerts of bands that don’t yet have Greatest Hits albums.

Basically, I'm becoming much more ok with the possibility of breaking a few things and/or making a fool of myself. I’m learning this approach is perhaps the soil of little miracles.

Which explains how I awoke this past Sunday morning with no idea of adventure on the brain, yet that afternoon found myself scrambling into a B-17 bomber for the ride of my life.

My brother, who had sometime ago planned a WWII retrospective flight adventure with friends, had something come up. 

He generously offered to allow me to take his spot on the plane.

My first reaction? “Um, nooo, but thank you so much.” I said it softly, wimp-o-matically.

Then he told me a bit about the plane's history, and, miraculously, “YES!” came out of my mouth. 

Sidebar: My paternal grandfather once told me that the most important word you’ll ever speak is “no.” He was a great man in many ways, but never would have understood Eat, Pray, Love, I am telling you now.

Our group approached the plane outside the Frontiers of Flight Museum a little after 5pm on Sunday afternoon. We clamored and (literally) climbed aboard - no jet way! no stairs! adventure! - found seats and strapped in. The seat belts were so cool - hook and latch, with wide cotton webbing soft from decades of wear.

The monstrous, rhythmic sounds of the B-17 are terrific. These bombers have near zero insulation, and metal walls. You feel and hear everything! Awesome.

During flight, I walked around and peered out the open windows, looking over the city. Sure, I honestly needed the breeze to help ensure that, as the only female on the flight, I didn't throw up due to intense turbulence. (I have my pride!) The moments of wind in my hair felt very 'industrial romantic,' and slightly Titanic, nonetheless. ; )

Panels of gauges and switches, labeled with terms like 'Master Armament' and 'Tank Bomb Bay,' surrounded me where I was seated, directly behind and below the pilots. Fascinating.

I dropped down from the main floor into the front belly of the plane, and then crawled along a polished wood plank to get to the huge, globe-shaped window at the nose. I ran my hand lightly along the back of the small, cotton-covered chair that once belonged to the gunner in that spot. The two enormous machine guns he manned were still loaded. G is for Goosebumps.

From lift off to touchdown, I was filled with epiphanies of gratefulness for the courage and stamina of soldiers I’ve never met.


My B-17 adventure reminded me to continue saying "yes" to unexpected, spur-of-the-moment opportunities. And to not become overwhelmed with any 'motion sickness' (fear? self-doubt?) that might occur in the process. Keep your eyes open, keep appreciating, walk around, take deep breaths. 


Life is short! Kiss it on the mouth!

Love,

-Melinda