Rock It Out

When I was a child, my brother and I visited our dad's parents' home in rural Arkansas each summer.

My grandfather, Norman, ("Pappy" to his grandchildren) had serious circulation issues, for which his doctor mandated a long daily walk on the gravel roads surrounding their home. 

Accordingly, Pappy wore thick, rubber-soled shoes with deep grooves for traction. 

He did not complain about the walks, even when it was blazing hot out. Blazing hot with mosquitos. Pappy knew the walks were not negotiable, and he approached them with the same seriousness he once had his career as a school superintendent.

I clearly recall my grandfather returning each summer day from his walk, and asking me or my brother to check for and remove gravel lodged in the grooved soles of his shoes. Standing perfectly straight, Pappy would steady himself with a chair and lift his feet behind him, one-by-one, for "rock check."

This week, I was reminded of Pappy and his walks when returning to my own home after a stroll with my dog, Celia. I recently put down carpet in my condo so that my three-legged wonder pup can more steadily move from room to room and avoid slipping on hardwood floors.

I opted for wool carpet tiles from FLOR, and went with a mix of four tile styles. (I am now solidly in love with this stuff. I adore hardwood floors, and had no idea I could feel the same for carpet. But FLOR product is amazing.)

One of the styles I chose is a solid creme color. Soooo soothing in tone, but it does require extra awareness in terms of keeping it spiffy. Hardwood floors can take the worst of abuse - but creme-colored carpet? I feel like a grown-up!

Celia and I exited the elevator, cruised down the hallway, and to our unit's front door. For the first time, and without thinking, I lifted my feet behind me, one-by-one, and checked my soles rocks and dirt. 

It was Pappy-style, exactly. I think it would have made him smile, the auto-pilot.

As I surveyed my shoes, post-walk, this afternoon, I got to thinking. What else should we leave outside the front door of our homes? If I want my casita to truly to be "sanctuary," and not just a place to crash and eat…if I'm going to get the most out of it - real restoration and a heaping helping of tranquility - well, I'm going to have to check some things at the door before entering - unhelpful thoughts, stress and the like. 

It isn't about faking how you really feel - it's about changing your mind.

It's a conscious thing, sure - but not everything good is automatic. 

When we opt to leave our non-positive stuff at the door, we bless those we meet on the other side - we're more fresh for them, more loving, entirely more available.

Here's to keeping the carpet of your life soft and clean for snuggling, sleeping, breathing deeply.

Thanks, Pappy, for all of those rock checks. Something "stuck," and I'm grateful. I love you.

-Melinda

Turn! Turn! Turn!

I have dough for two lovely pie crusts in my fridge, awaiting my making of cobblers.

Blackberry, cherry. 

No recipients for them yet intended, just general sharing with friends who come by.

I had surgery earlier this week, so the timing of the dough's "bake by" expiration is…untimely. It's today. So, I must either get busy with the oven, or spend my time taking out the trash - I'm not one to exceed food expiration dates.

Which got me thinking this morning - I've learned that things have (often unexpressed) expiration dates.

Relationships of all kinds - when either ill-suited to start with or neglected over time -  can have expiration dates. We get tired of trying...or not trying.

What perhaps hits us the most hard is the expiration of lives that we love - people whose very presence on this earth serves as a major root in our connection to being. 

When people expire, often without warning, it reminds us of the fragile nature of our very breath. We hold on more tenderly to those we love that remain. 

Hugs become firmer and warmer and less afraid of who's looking. Which is when they are at their most delicious, no?

We're all walking around with expiration dates - they are just hidden, thank goodness, as there is only so much drama I can stand in even one day. I'm personally having enough of a time managing not being able to breath through my nose this week, post-op. If you were to show me your expiration date, I would begin weeping rather inconsolably.

I'm going to make those cobblers, today, by golly, and then send a note to an old friend I've unintentionally neglected the past few months. 

Here's to whatever you're 'cooking' today - remember that it expires - so make it extra sweet!

Love,

Melinda


Illustration Credit: Keiko Nakabachi/Imagezoo/Getty Images

That Voodoo That You Do So Well

Here's to the folks that challenge us with their very rock-it-out-ness and make us want to be better. 

Some of the most inspiring people in my life do (or have done) triathlons of some sort.

Many of them dedicate a kick-bootie level of discipline to physical training in swimming, running and biking. They get up early. Very. They sometimes arrive at work with hair still damp at the nape from a swim. They glow and are often grinning at 8am, and haven't even yet had coffee. Shazam.

Other triathletes I admire are successful in balancing the challenging trio of jobs, families and charitable work. Whether single or married, they are showing up for life and the people and efforts they care about with astonishing creativity and faithfulness. And they still find time for vacations to places sunny. I am in awe.

Whether the three-dimensional test be primarily of body or mind, these people all seem to understand the rewards of sweat, heart and perseverance. 

And I'm reminded of them as I peer at the quote on today's Yogi teabag: 

"Feel good, be good and do good."

You have inspiring 'triathletes' in your own life.

Maybe send one of them a "Hey - you are DOING it!" this week.

A former manager of mine once said, "Praise in writing; criticize in person." 

It's because conflicts (most of them) are temporary and should be left behind once resolved. Praise, however, we need to look at, re-read, burn into our brains and keep on reserve for rainy days of self-doubt. 

I personally have a file on my computer called "Good," containing some nice notes I've received from friends, family and readers. It's like a love bank and unfailingly warms my heart when life takes a tough turn.

A quick text, email or hand-written note from you could truly turn a friend's world around. You never know when someone is having a low moment and could use words of honest encouragement. 

Everyone needs a verbal high five, and there are no exceptions.

Please think of one person you can thank or praise in two minutes or less today...your gut will tell you just who that is...

Tell them what they do so well, and encourage them to keep on doing it. If it's appropriate, ask how you can be of help to their efforts.

Go on, rock their world with your own adaptation of "Feel good - be good - do good."

Yum!

Love,

Melinda

Title Credit: From 'You Do Something To Me,' written by Cole Porter

Just Be Yourself

This past Friday night, I saw ‘Midnight in Paris’ with three good friends.


Super movie.

But this isn’t about that.

We stopped by the ladies room following the film, and, when I closed the door of my stall, I was stunned - happily-dancing-at-my-luck kind of stunned - to find the following written clearly on the door, in black marker. Nice handwriting, even:

Just Be Yourself.

Sooo...I had just received an anonymous hug and good advice from a fellow movie goer who carries a Sharpie in her purse. Maybe she, like me, had had a Blue Moon beer, a pretzel (no salt, no oil) and seen a great movie when she felt inspired to so publicly share wisdom. 

Or maybe she was on a date with someone who inspired her to be herself - who she could sense liked who she was underneath the layers of typical first date conversation. A positive hum lingered in the air.

Or it's possible she was sick of the junk that's normally - albeit, enthusiastically - posted to the interior walls of public bathroom stalls. All the "I Love (fill in the blank)" with scratch-outs by jealous others and insults hurled aplenty.

Perhaps it's that women are inspired to write more thoughtful things on the insides of stalls in cute indie movie theaters.

Whatever the genesis of the Great Graffiti, the experience for me was akin to finding some well-timed quote on the little paper tag attached to my hot tea bag. But this ladies' room circumstance was much more random-seeming, so I felt even more fortunate. 

"Just Be Yourself" was to be found in the one stall I picked. The one clean stall in the place.

If the woman who inscribed the words also happens to be the person who left the stall so nice and hospitable, wow - she's truly Royalty to me, and deserving of free movies at the Magnolia Theatre for life.

Especially movies like 'Midnight in Paris,' that remind us to focus on the pursuits, places and people that give the greatest joy.

What does "Just Be Yourself" mean to You, Sweet Reader, at this moment? 


I really can't think of a time in which the words aren't a helpful mantra. Sure, there are always apropos moments to hold your tongue, to be kinder than necessary - yet you can simultaneously always Be Yourself. 

When you are honest about who you are, the sun in your world shines a little brighter. It's unstoppable. So consider tossing your emotional sunscreen for a bit. Or a lifetime. 


The world needs your authentic, caring, creative, analytical, studious, dynamic self. This includes your extra 5 pounds, any wrinkles, scars, stretch marks and other signs that you've been LIVING. It's all good. Really good. 

Imperfection + genuine heart + energy means a lot gets done, and people will actually enjoy working with you to help accomplish what your heart desires.

Get out there, love! And please - tell me what happens! 

Love,

Melinda


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What I Know About Love

We've all seen the relationships that make us smile, that make us want to "reach" when it comes to our own choices.

Our inner voices begin to ring with courageous statements like:

Hello, Lamentable Moments of My Personal History: you will not own me. 

I will not press repeat. 

and 

I deserve real happiness and someone who looks out for that as well as they look out for their own.

A moment with a really happy, got-it-together couple or other close relationship can truly inspire. Their bright lights encourage us to swiftly deny 'less than' as an option in our own situations.

My Aunt Billie and Uncle Larry were one of those neat pairings, and it was one our entire family admired. Billie and Larry were each other's second marriage.  And it lasted for many years, until Billie lost a valiant battle with cancer. 

In one another, they found their best friends, and knew to be grateful. 

Experience is such a teacher. A humbler. A willing lover if we'll embrace it.


There was never a snide comment by one about the other's quirks or weaknesses. Billie and Larry didn't allow that kind of ka-ka to seep in to their relationship. 

They had no fear whatsoever of someone giving them grief about being permanently smitten. And they laughed - a lot. 

While never entering the realm of socially awkward or showy PDA, Aunt Billie and Uncle Larry were most often seen holding hands when together. Absolutely the biggest fans of one another. 


They made it look easy. The sticking in, sticking with, staying happy. 

When Billie developed terminal cancer, they gave the disease the finger, and fought the cancer instead of one another.

Somehow, though, despite the great examples of healthy, vibrant relationships in each of our lives, you and I will sometimes give in to lesser arrangements and motivations - to not trusting our guts, to rickety, ill-born impulse, to people who rattle the cage of our insecurities, to loneliness, to the wind that howls by the clock in our minds. 

And when we do this - when we say "yes" to what will always be "no" - we bear a price without measure. We step off a cliff with no estimate of the height. 

There is a mud of compromise that sticks to your shoes and rings in your head each time you talk with or touch an ill-fitting companion.

Some of us will then swallow the 'not quite right for me' pill that never, ever makes our stomachs settle. And that pill, you must swallow - often - in order to stay.

Too many years of this, and you can become a bit unrecognizable.

I heard this week a song by the band Mumford & Sons that featured the following line:

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life."

And it hit me: We'd better make sure those are good decisions.

We get just one life to figure out how to best spend our years.

So why should we share them with anyone - or anything - that doesn't cut the mustard?

It doesn't mean the person must be perfect. It does mean they have to be kind.

And look out for you.

Make you laugh.

Make you a priority.

Be unafraid to love you...and let others know.

We're all learning daily how to save our best for those we love most - friends, family, significant others. Some days, we stink, and we lose our temper, or our minds, and say things that could have been nicer. Or left unsaid.

Other days, we win - we grow closer, and more unafraid to look someone in the eyes and say thanks and give them a great big hug. 

Isn't "I Love You" just a really precious way to say "Thank You," after all?

Thanks for taking care of my heart.

Thanks for knowing what to say.

Thanks for saying nothing and knowing everything.

Thanks for being a place of rest for me.

We all need it.

The hug - the validation - the stability of an embrace you know and trust.


It's a little miracle on our path - every time.

Love, 

Melinda


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Photo Credit: Image Source/Getty Images

Hello, Stranger. You're a GIFT.

There's something intrinsically wonderful and interesting about strangers.

For starters, strangers most often don't look just like you. Refreshing, it is, after days, months, years in the mirror with one's own mug. 

I find a new set of facial features to be a key ingredient for an encounter blissfully free of expectations. Nothing is familiar, so any good thing is possible. 

Fully engaged in the mysteries of their own lives, strangers will still often stop to address you - a smile, a mouthed hello...an opened door at Starbucks that could have easily closed behind them. 

Strangers are thrown into the salad of your day, and the neat thing is: you get to decide what to make of the situations; of the strangers themselves - ignore completely, or engage - and both are equally acceptable social responses. 

Isn't that neat? The very 'choosing' being ok? Our simple need for occasional quiet can swathe the blatant disregard of strangers with all the political correctness in the world.

Yet it's fun how the connectedness of us all, the very grace of God can hit you when a stranger points out that you have a low tire, or twelve sheets of Quilted Northern Ultra Plush stuck to your shoe. 

Little gifts of awareness. 

And then there are strangers to whom we are rather magnetically drawn - inexplicable, powerful recognitions we find in another face that actually require a decision on our part. 

We were just there, doing our thing, and poof - opportunity we can sense with our own rising pulse sets in, in the face of a stranger. And its often not even a physical/amorous-type attraction - it's a living connection. 

Suddenly, a flower of our life that we didn't even know existed has the ability to unfurl, unfold, let its very hair down and run, grinning, smack into the field of our own destiny. 

If. We. Ourselves. Will. First. Open. Up.

Just the thought of that happening makes me want to get good sleep tonight. 

I don't want to miss meeting a new friend, and the doors that open every time that happens. I absolutely savor running my fingers across the beautifully hand-carved entrances that open out onto the best adventures of my life. Or the new wisdom. Yum. 

I was reminded of that phenomena this year on Easter Sunday. After having brunch with a friend's family, I stepped into the restroom of their country club, nearest the front doors. 

There, I encountered a woman at the vanity with whom I felt compelled to speak - and, specifically, I knew I was to compliment her ivory necklace. I didn't know exactly why yet - the piece of jewelry was wonderful, certainly - beaded, with an ornate oval pendant - but I felt like God was telling me to talk to the woman about it. Now. 

So, while washing my hands, I told her how beautiful her necklace was, and smiled. She, approximately 80, petite, with thick silver hair in natural waves, solid features and blue-pool eyes, smiled back at me, said thank you, and then paused. So, I paused, too. (I'm learning to do that lately.) 

She then told me that the necklace was one she had purchased in China, many years ago. She had watched the craftsman make the pendant, carving its intricate pattern with the tiniest of hand tools. I suddenly felt like I was there beside her, watching it all happen. Her necklace. Her memories. We might have been about the same age.

It was my first, umm...trip to China.

We returned to the mirror, to Easter, to present-day when she shared that the necklace was very special to her. And she then smiled the smile of a woman with satisfying moments in her heart and chapters of depth.

I was so fortunate to see that happen. 

Our interaction reminded me to live my own vibrant life, to allow myself a few sentimental things to hold onto as I age (glass of cab in one hand, token of adventure in the other, warmth in my heart)...and to not be afraid to stop and talk to strangers. Anytime, anywhere.

Often, we need to learn something right now if we're to make pliable the potential of tomorrow and forward. 

What's your ivory necklace that reminds you of chances taken and sweet rewards?

Who's your stranger today?

Love,

-Melinda

Illustration Credit: Keiko Nakabachi/Imagezoo/Getty Images

Baby, You're the Top

A is for Awesome...and B is for Bought...mmm-hmmm! 

Spotted this top today at a Capezio store. 

Has a fabulous deep scoop back with tie, too. 

No, I haven't taken up dance. Of any kind. Am a little too clutzy for such...I tried a Zumba class with a friend at her gym, and the women who were 70+ completely kicked my bootie in the coordination dept. 

But shopping? I'm almost always game. 

Even if I were on crutches, love, I would have balanced an arm on the register, fished in my purse for the Amex and purchased. 

This top is light as air, soft as velvet and f-u-n!

Hey Now, You're An All-Star

Wow - sometimes we limit ourselves, don't we?

All that self-control may come in handy when contemplating a second piece of pie, but it thwarts our real success when we say 'no' to things our hearts know are true and full of growth.

Sometimes we avoid trying new things, connecting, reaching out because we're exhausted. Or stressed. Maybe we've gained 10 pounds. You know - "nothing in the closet fits, so we're not going shopping anywhere" - including life's basket of neat blessings.

When you're feeling down, a 'new opportunity' kinda sounds like it could be just another kick in the butt.

And so we gaze at that opportunity for a moment, and we opt out.

We freeze and let the good thing pass, like a shadow.

Or we holler an excuse at it - as if it's listening to excuses.

Sure, it becomes harder to breath when we emotionally roll into a ball.

Yet there's a weird comfort in the familiarity of our own labored breath.

Which is where my trainer, Donnie Posas, comes in.

He trains normal people, like me, as well as UFC and MMA fighters. He's studied multiple martial arts since he was a child. He is ridiculously strong and fast and gifted in teaching. His wife, Natalie, is gorgeous - she looks like something out of The Matrix - and is an amazing mother to their five children. You get the picture. These people are super sonic and accomplishing great things in the world.

Donnie is teaching me to box (not girly-boxing - REAL boxing) and pushes me physically and mentally past any old ideas I have of "that of which I am capable"…

His first question to me - every week - is, "You Ready?"

Well, this week, he texted to me the image that accompanies this post.

I don't really need to explain it, do I?

We each know an area of our lives in which the wimpy side of us is hanging out, hanging on, stifling our growth.

So kindly look in the mirror today and introduce yourself to 'The Person You Think You're Not.'

Why? You'll meet the person who holds in their hands The Greatest Things You Will Ever Do.

And to those Things, we must say, "YES!"

Love,

Melinda

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