Just Be Yourself

This past Friday night, I saw ‘Midnight in Paris’ with three good friends.


Super movie.

But this isn’t about that.

We stopped by the ladies room following the film, and, when I closed the door of my stall, I was stunned - happily-dancing-at-my-luck kind of stunned - to find the following written clearly on the door, in black marker. Nice handwriting, even:

Just Be Yourself.

Sooo...I had just received an anonymous hug and good advice from a fellow movie goer who carries a Sharpie in her purse. Maybe she, like me, had had a Blue Moon beer, a pretzel (no salt, no oil) and seen a great movie when she felt inspired to so publicly share wisdom. 

Or maybe she was on a date with someone who inspired her to be herself - who she could sense liked who she was underneath the layers of typical first date conversation. A positive hum lingered in the air.

Or it's possible she was sick of the junk that's normally - albeit, enthusiastically - posted to the interior walls of public bathroom stalls. All the "I Love (fill in the blank)" with scratch-outs by jealous others and insults hurled aplenty.

Perhaps it's that women are inspired to write more thoughtful things on the insides of stalls in cute indie movie theaters.

Whatever the genesis of the Great Graffiti, the experience for me was akin to finding some well-timed quote on the little paper tag attached to my hot tea bag. But this ladies' room circumstance was much more random-seeming, so I felt even more fortunate. 

"Just Be Yourself" was to be found in the one stall I picked. The one clean stall in the place.

If the woman who inscribed the words also happens to be the person who left the stall so nice and hospitable, wow - she's truly Royalty to me, and deserving of free movies at the Magnolia Theatre for life.

Especially movies like 'Midnight in Paris,' that remind us to focus on the pursuits, places and people that give the greatest joy.

What does "Just Be Yourself" mean to You, Sweet Reader, at this moment? 


I really can't think of a time in which the words aren't a helpful mantra. Sure, there are always apropos moments to hold your tongue, to be kinder than necessary - yet you can simultaneously always Be Yourself. 

When you are honest about who you are, the sun in your world shines a little brighter. It's unstoppable. So consider tossing your emotional sunscreen for a bit. Or a lifetime. 


The world needs your authentic, caring, creative, analytical, studious, dynamic self. This includes your extra 5 pounds, any wrinkles, scars, stretch marks and other signs that you've been LIVING. It's all good. Really good. 

Imperfection + genuine heart + energy means a lot gets done, and people will actually enjoy working with you to help accomplish what your heart desires.

Get out there, love! And please - tell me what happens! 

Love,

Melinda


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What I Know About Love

We've all seen the relationships that make us smile, that make us want to "reach" when it comes to our own choices.

Our inner voices begin to ring with courageous statements like:

Hello, Lamentable Moments of My Personal History: you will not own me. 

I will not press repeat. 

and 

I deserve real happiness and someone who looks out for that as well as they look out for their own.

A moment with a really happy, got-it-together couple or other close relationship can truly inspire. Their bright lights encourage us to swiftly deny 'less than' as an option in our own situations.

My Aunt Billie and Uncle Larry were one of those neat pairings, and it was one our entire family admired. Billie and Larry were each other's second marriage.  And it lasted for many years, until Billie lost a valiant battle with cancer. 

In one another, they found their best friends, and knew to be grateful. 

Experience is such a teacher. A humbler. A willing lover if we'll embrace it.


There was never a snide comment by one about the other's quirks or weaknesses. Billie and Larry didn't allow that kind of ka-ka to seep in to their relationship. 

They had no fear whatsoever of someone giving them grief about being permanently smitten. And they laughed - a lot. 

While never entering the realm of socially awkward or showy PDA, Aunt Billie and Uncle Larry were most often seen holding hands when together. Absolutely the biggest fans of one another. 


They made it look easy. The sticking in, sticking with, staying happy. 

When Billie developed terminal cancer, they gave the disease the finger, and fought the cancer instead of one another.

Somehow, though, despite the great examples of healthy, vibrant relationships in each of our lives, you and I will sometimes give in to lesser arrangements and motivations - to not trusting our guts, to rickety, ill-born impulse, to people who rattle the cage of our insecurities, to loneliness, to the wind that howls by the clock in our minds. 

And when we do this - when we say "yes" to what will always be "no" - we bear a price without measure. We step off a cliff with no estimate of the height. 

There is a mud of compromise that sticks to your shoes and rings in your head each time you talk with or touch an ill-fitting companion.

Some of us will then swallow the 'not quite right for me' pill that never, ever makes our stomachs settle. And that pill, you must swallow - often - in order to stay.

Too many years of this, and you can become a bit unrecognizable.

I heard this week a song by the band Mumford & Sons that featured the following line:

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life."

And it hit me: We'd better make sure those are good decisions.

We get just one life to figure out how to best spend our years.

So why should we share them with anyone - or anything - that doesn't cut the mustard?

It doesn't mean the person must be perfect. It does mean they have to be kind.

And look out for you.

Make you laugh.

Make you a priority.

Be unafraid to love you...and let others know.

We're all learning daily how to save our best for those we love most - friends, family, significant others. Some days, we stink, and we lose our temper, or our minds, and say things that could have been nicer. Or left unsaid.

Other days, we win - we grow closer, and more unafraid to look someone in the eyes and say thanks and give them a great big hug. 

Isn't "I Love You" just a really precious way to say "Thank You," after all?

Thanks for taking care of my heart.

Thanks for knowing what to say.

Thanks for saying nothing and knowing everything.

Thanks for being a place of rest for me.

We all need it.

The hug - the validation - the stability of an embrace you know and trust.


It's a little miracle on our path - every time.

Love, 

Melinda


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